


Feeling Good As Hell

by blue_pointer



Series: A Study in Gold [14]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Timeline, Comedy, Don't copy to another site, Drinking, Drunken Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: c01e050 Best Laid Plans..., Friendship, Gambling, Gossip, Hair Braiding, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Minor Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Mystery, Post-Break Up, Pride and Prejudice References, SCRYING, Slow Romance, Squad, Sunsets, Tea, Team Bonding, Unicorns, Walks On The Beach, conversations in Marquesian, offering to fight your ex, ride or die - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27298495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: This time when Vax breaks up with Gilmore, the squad has his back.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore & Jarett Howarth, Shaun Gilmore & Kima, Shaun Gilmore & Sherri, Shaun Gilmore & Zahra Hydris
Series: A Study in Gold [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906693
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. If He Don't Love You Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Continues directly from the end of [this chapter](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27274549/chapters/66635992)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girls' Night.

Gilmore sat back in shock. Vax might as well have slapped him across the face. “What?” He looked toward the window, his good mood dissipating. 

A few moments later, Sherri came in with a tray of food. “Master Gilmore, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m not feeling very hungry just now,” he told Sherri. “Just put it on the table.” 

“Sir?” She stopped to look at him.

“I’m fine, Sherri. Just go. Please.” 

But she didn’t. She came closer and felt his forehead. “I’m getting Kima.”

“There’s no need--” Gilmore began, but she was already gone. He sighed. 

Not too long after, Kima strode into the room. “What did you do this time?” 

Gilmore glanced up at her, his fingers plucking at the edge of the sheet. “Nothing.” She came over to check his temperature and take his pulse. 

“Well _some_ thing happened.” It was clear she was not going to leave until he gave an answer.

Gilmore shrugged, smoothing wrinkles out of the blanket. “It’s nothing. I believe Vax’ildan is having one of his bad days is all.”

Kima folded her arms across her chest. “I’ll bite. What did **he** do?” 

Gilmore took a deep breath, not wanting to say. After a few moments of her staring at him, he sighed, giving in. “Apparently he doesn’t want to speak to me anymore.” 

Kima rolled her eyes. “Holy crap. This is what you get for dating teenagers.” 

“He’s 27,” Gilmore protested. “I’m not a cradle robber!”

Kima just gave him a look, the scar over her right eye making it seem especially judgemental. “Seriously? How many millennia age difference is there?” 

Gilmore glanced at the door to make sure no one was overhearing them. “Really, so rude.” 

Kima snorted. “You know what you need?” 

Gilmore was too gay and tired for this. “No, but doubtless you’re going to tell me.” 

“New hair. I see you hiding under that scarf.” 

Well, she wasn’t wrong. “What do you propose?” 

“I can help. My sister’s curls are more like yours. Come on. Why don’t you scrounge up every shiny bauble you can find to weave in, I’ll grab a couple jugs of fire water, and we’ll make a night of it.”

Gilmore thought about it. “I wouldn’t turn down a good Merlot right now.” 

“Deal.” Kima left the room, presumably to find booze. Any distraction now was a welcome one. And Gilmore told himself that knowing Vax, the boy would probably change his mind before long. Hopefully.

He and Kima spent the night drinking and grooming and gossiping. Gilmore went through a cask of wine, and Kima did not shame him, because she knew how much liquor he could hold. Fortunately Sherri was there to run back and forth from the wine cellar for them. In the end, it was a wonder Gilmore’s hair turned out as well as it did, considering Kima on her own emptied several jugs of hooch. While Gilmore drank and drank and drank, Kima braided his hair and told him all of her Vox Machina stories. Including the tale of traveling through the Underdark, and just how many times they’d almost all died due to the group’s recklessness. Vax seemed to have left out some key bits when he’d summarized that adventure for Gilmore. 

By the time Jarett came off shift and popped his head in to see what all the raucous laughter was about, the two of them were quite drunk. Normally Gilmore would have told anyone trying to come into a room where hair was being dressed to get out. But Jarett had earned his place, and moreover, Gilmore was a happy drunk. “Jarett! Jarett, come here! We’re having fun. Come here!” He threw his arms open and waved Jarett over to the bed. 

As Jarett cautiously made his way into the room, drawing his own conclusions from the bottles scattered across the floor, Gilmore made the introductions. “Kima, this’s Jarett. Look, isn’t he lovely? He comes from Ank’Harel, where my ex--no, nev’mind. Jarett, come here! My lap is lonely. Come, sit. Right here. Yes.” As soon as the captain was within arm’s reach, Gilmore pulled him down into his lap and held him there. 

“Lord Gilmore,” Jarett said very carefully in Common. “You have perhaps had more than usual to drink?” For some reason, this made both Kima and Gilmore burst out laughing, and it took them a while to get themselves under control. 

“Well, I like this one better,” Kima told Gilmore. “At least he’s observant.” And they dissolved into gales of helpless laughter again. 

“Vax...my Vax…” Gilmore kept laughing every time he tried to speak. “What did you say? Himbo?” This time Jarett laughed, too. 

“He’s so fucking dumb!” Kima clutched her side, doubled over. 

Gilmore stopped laughing. “Now, Kima, don’t exaggerate.” 

“No! Time to speak truth! This is girls’ night. Fuck that guy! You don’t need him!”

Jarett turned to look carefully at Gilmore. “I sense the unworthy dog has given some new offense?”

“Unworthy dog, yes!” Kima clapped her hands. “Jarett gets it!”

Jarett leaned close, examining one fresh braid before tucking it back over Gilmore’s shoulder. “You must tell me.” 

Gilmore looked away, suddenly hyper aware of Jarett’s proximity to his face. “Oh, he might have broken up with me again.” Gilmore smiled, sighing. “Honestly, who can keep track?” 

“I’ll kill him,” Jarett said softly, with passion. “Someone Teleport me there now, so I can kill him.”

“I’ll hold him for you,” Sherri offered.

“Jarett, please,” Gilmore said. “Sherri, don’t encourage him.”

“No, do,” Kima said, leaning on the back of her chair. “I want to see this.” 

“I could never do that to Jarett,” Gilmore said, starting to sober up. 

“You don’t believe I could defeat him?” Jarett asked. 

“He is unnaturally fast,” Kima said. 

“Take away those Boots of Haste, and what is he?” Jarett asked.

“A sneaky rogue,” Sherri said. “He’ll fight dirty.” 

“Two can fight dirty,” Jarett said.

“No one is fighting anyone,” Gilmore said, firmly. “Dirty or otherwise. As upsetting as this was, he’s young. Bound to have fits of temper. I’m sure it will pass.”

“Yes, and you deserve to be loved by a man, not a boy,” Jarett said. Kima grinned, wagging her finger in agreement. 

“I agree, Sir!” Sherri said, pouring herself a glass of wine.

“Oh, Jarett,” Gilmore sighed melodramatically. “If only I knew what it was you really wanted.” 

Jarett stood from his lap, then, and for a moment, Gilmore was not sure what he was going to do. _“It’s true, I have an ulterior motive,”_ Jarett said in Marquesian. _“But god has not made me blind.”_ He knelt down by the bedside, took Gilmore’s hand, and continued in Common. “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Sherri’s mouth fell open. But Gilmore smiled. “Jarett. That’s from a book.”

“And yet, no less true. I know I could never be worthy of you, but please know how my heart yearns to be of any use to you at all.” Kima wolf-whistled, elbowing Sherri, whose eyes had grown large as saucers. 

“To see you in such pain...again...over a pig. It grieves me. Your beauty puts the moon to shame. How he can forfeit your love again, I will never comprehend.” Jarett bent and kissed Gilmore’s hand.

Gilmore smiled sadly. “That’s kind of you.” Perhaps if he knew what the ulterior motive was, he’d have an easier time taking Jarett’s professions of love seriously. 

_“And should you ever find these Tal’Doreian nights too cold for your liking,”_ Jarett continued in Marquesian, _“I make an excellent bed warmer.”_ The quirk of his lips was inviting.

“You are shameless,” Gilmore scolded him playfully in Common, knowing Jarett would not be so bold if he knew the ladies could understand him. “And a terrible liar.”

“I invite you to try me and see,” Jarett said, voice tempting, “just what a liar Jarett is.” And with that, he stood and left the room. 

“Try what?” Sherri asked, still clutching her invisible pearls. “What did he say?” 

Kima chuckled. “Gilmore, you’re blushing!”

“I’m drunk,” Gilmore said, defensively, reaching for another bottle. 

“Okay, I’m going to finish your hair, and then we’re playing poker,” Kima declared. 

“I could invite the captain back if we want to play strip poker?” Sherri offered with a mischievous grin. 

“Oh, don’t encourage him!” Gilmore said. 

“Yessss, and I’ll get Allie!” Kima agreed. 

In the end, the three of them played a game of dice in which Kima won half of Gilmore’s jewelry and a kiss from Sherri. Of course, the jewelry she gave right back. Gilmore did not remember going to sleep, but he must have, because the next thing he knew, he was waking up the in the morning with a rotten wine hangover.


	2. Boss Up and Change Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore spends time recharging and recovering in Whitestone with people who care about him.

Once he’d rehydrated, Gilmore scried to check in on Vox Machina. They were traveling south from the Frostweald toward Westruun, which aligned with what Pike had told him their plan was. They were currently in no danger, and nothing particularly was happening among the group. Vax’ildan was walking in the vicinity of his sister, and seemed to generally be ignoring everyone else. Just from observing them, there was no real clue as to why Vax was upset with Gilmore. The more he thought about it, however, the more a theory began to form. 

Vax was keeping nowhere near Keyleth, so it felt to Gilmore that what Vax had said the night before was meant to be salt in his wounds. And the only reason Gilmore could think Vax would want to hurt him in this way was because he was feeling hurt about something Gilmore had done to him along the same lines. He’d asked if Gilmore had come to visit two nights ago, and become upset when the answer had been yes. Two nights ago, all of that awkwardness had happened with Grog. 

So there it was. Somehow Vax’ildan had found out, and jumped to some truly impressive conclusions (Grog should be so lucky). It was a shame he’d chosen not to ask Gilmore about it first before losing his temper. But Gilmore couldn’t keep babying him; Vax had to learn. This time, Vax’ildan would have to apologize. Which might mean Gilmore was going to have to wait a very long time. He didn’t like it, but so be it. Gilmore could be patient; he had nothing but time.

In Whitestone, it was a fairly uneventful day. Salda visited with the children, and Gilmore entertained them until he grew tired. In the afternoon, Zahra stopped by to visit with tea. “I thought perhaps you were due,” she said, coming in with a tray.

Gilmore smiled. “Always. And how have you been faring, my dear?” he asked as she poured tea for both of them.

“Well, I’ve had some fun exploring the castle, and since the gang has been away, I’ve made myself comfortable in Percy’s workshop.”

“Oh?” Gilmore carefully took the cup and saucer she offered. “Are you a tinker as well?” 

Zahra smiled, considering. “I suppose you could say that. Though my tinkering tends to go ‘klang klang’ whereas Percy’s is more of a ‘tink tink.’”

“Colour me intrigued,” Gilmore said, sipping the tea, which was still pleasantly hot. 

“Well, I have to be inspired,” Zahra explained, tucking her tail around her legs as she sat. “Otherwise I can’t make much more than a mess. Speaking of which…” She set her cup down and reached into the small pouch at her side. “I made you a little something.”

“For me?” Gilmore couldn’t even recall the last time an adult had made him a gift. “Zahra, you shouldn’t have.” He watched as her hand and half of her forearm disappeared into the small bag. 

“Well I couldn’t help but notice you didn’t have one.” Zahra’s hand re-emerged, clutching a handle in the shape of a creature’s head he couldn’t quite make out. “And I know you’re getting better--Kima and Pike have done well. But while you recover, I didn’t think it would hurt.” She slowly withdrew a marvelous rod of expertly twisted metal that had been oxidized to present all the colors of the rainbow. Gilmore could smell gold, silver, brass, copper, and steel in the spiral design. 

When she set the tip of it on the floor, Gilmore realized it was a cane with the handle in the shape of a unicorn’s head. He gasped. “Oh, it’s perfect!” Zahra handed it to him, pleased that he was so pleased. Gilmore ran his fingers over the metal, feeling the stability enchantment Zahra had woven into it. He was touched. “But you really shouldn’t have.” Gilmore glanced back at her, feeling unexpectedly emotional. 

“I disagree; it was something you absolutely needed.” She leaned toward him, lowering her voice. “And if you’d like for that dashing young man to keep carrying you around the castle, just hide it under your bed, and no one has to be the wiser.” She smiled and offered a conspiratorial wink.

Gilmore laughed. “Well, Jarett would certainly appreciate that.” But he for one appreciated the increased mobility the cane would offer. “Really, my dear, you’re too good to me.” Gilmore opened his arms. “Embrace me.” Zahra, too, gave good hugs. 

They proceeded to enjoy tea together, chatting about this and that, until the inevitable subject arose. “And how is your Vax? Kima tells me you scry every day to keep an eye on Vox Machina’s progress.” Gilmore took a deep breath and sighed, uncertain how to respond. “Oh, surely it’s not that bad,” Zahra said, touching his wrist with concern. 

“No, I suppose not.” Was Gilmore trying to convince her or himself? “Vax’ildan is just...in one of his moods.”

“I see,” Zahra said, contemplative. “He is a moody little thing.” 

“I honestly can’t argue with that,” Gilmore said. “But...moods change. I’m sure it will pass.” He smiled, hoping for the best.

“I’m sure it will, darling. And in the meantime, you have us for company. And your young man. What did you say his name was? Jarett?” 

Gilmore laughed, worried. “Please don’t start that rumor. That’s what started this whole mess.” 

Zahra gasped, sensing a scandal. “Vax was jealous of Jarett?” She shook her head. “Humans, am I right?”

“No.” Gilmore bit his lip, almost afraid to say it. “Not Jarett.” 

Zahra’s tail lashed enthusiastically. “Oh, you’re holding out on me! Who is it? Now, you have to tell!”

“Well...understand, nothing happened.” Gilmore knew he shouldn’t tell her. But it _was_ tea time.

Her eyes lit up. “Darling, that means everything happened!” 

“Not at all.” Gilmore waved a hand. “It was the merest of non consensual kisses.”

“With whom?!” Zahra demanded. 

Gilmore paused. “In order to properly understand the context, I should explain that earlier that morning, Grog had been dead.”

“You kissed him back to life?!” Zahra smiled, elated. 

“No, no. Nothing like that, I assure you.” He could feel the grapevine reaching for this tall tale. “But it’s possible Grog wasn’t yet all there when I went to check on him. He seemed to think he was dreaming.”

“He ravished you in his sleep?” Zahra looked hopeful.

Gilmore laughed at her enthusiasm. “Not remotely!”

“Oh, you’re so lucky,” Zahra waxed poetic at the thought. “I’ve seen Grog, he’s _enormous_!”

“Really, it’s just to scale,” Gilmore protested.

“You’ve seen it!” Zahra pointed at him, accusingly. “You did! This happened! Don’t deny it, Gilmore!”

“Please, nothing happened!” Why was she so eager for something to have happened? And was it too late to backpedal?

“This is marvelous. I love it!” Zahra sat back, sipping her tea. “The best tea I’ve had in ages, darling. Thank you.”

“Really, it was all just a misunderstanding.” Had Gilmore just made things worse?

She reached toward him, leaning over the arm of her chair. “Well. Even if it wasn’t. Vax can hardly complain. You let him have _his_ fun, after all. And fair is fair.”

“Yes, but truly nothing _happened_.” But after going through all of this, Gilmore was beginning to wonder if perhaps it should have. 

After Zahra left, Gilmore spent some time making certain the cane was properly attuned. It was a thing of beauty, the unicorn’s head a stylized work of art all its own. He would be pleased to add this to his hoard when he no longer needed it for mobility. Speaking of which, he tried it out, walking to the baths by himself and having a good, long soak. He used Prestidigitation to make sure his hair was precisely how he wanted it. And once the water began to cool, Gilmore emerged to put on the clean, new robe, feeling almost back to his usual self.

He felt so good, in fact, Gilmore decided to go for a little stroll. He missed fresh air, so he carefully made his way up the stairs to the battlements, where he could look properly at the sky for the first time since he’d died. Just the hint of twilight remained on the horizon, and Gilmore stood there, enjoying all the shades of indigo that bled into the night sky with the sound of the crashing waves far below, the white foam tinged a startling shade of fuchsia in the sunset. He closed his eyes and just listened. It was heavenly. 

_“You’re looking well, Gilt D’amour.”_ Gilmore told himself he hadn’t come up here to run into Jarett. But he’d smelled the captain’s cologne the moment he’d stepped outside. 

Gilmore opened his eyes. _“Better than I have been, yes.”_ He offered Jarett a friendly smile. 

_“And how do you find the cold night air of Whitestone?”_

_“Just now? Refreshing.”_ Gilmore knew what Jarett was hinting at, and he refused to go there. 

_“So you will not even consider my offer?”_ Jarett sounded dejected.

Gilmore reached out to take his hand. _“J’arett. I consider you a close friend. But I don’t believe you’re being completely honest with me.”_

Jarett dropped his gaze. _“I want to go home. But if ever you looked on me the way you look at him...I would be content to stay wherever you are.”_

Gilmore smiled sadly. _“You’re very sweet, J’arett.”_

 _“I mean it.”_ Jarett kissed Gilmore’s hand, just holding it for a moment. In the twilight, his mahogany skin blended with Gilmore’s umber, binding their two hands into one. _“I must begin my watch.”_

Gilmore felt bad for him. He seemed to be taking this not-quite-rejection awfully hard. _“Let’s speak again tomorrow.”_

Jarett offered a small bow. “As you wish. I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours.”

Gilmore watched him go, wondering a little at Jarett’s ability to quote literature. His wish to return to Ank’Harel was key. Once Gilmore got that story out of him, he believed he would understand what Jarett really wanted. But he was so gallant. Jarett reminded Gilmore of the few things he missed about home. It was a shame, in a way. 


End file.
